100 Pounds 2 Lose

....in it for the long haul

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Hola
opaloctober wrote in 100pounds2lose
Hello all, i'm new, and the reason i'm here is because my fiance has given me an ultimatum- either i love about 70-80 lbs by our wedding date, or the date is off. And since i've already bought my dress and paid on a number of other things, thats a no. The last time I was weighed, which was at the dr around mar-april,. I weighed about 271. I would like to get back down to the weight I was at almost 5 years ago when my fiance and I started dating, which was 175-180, and I was a size 18-20.

Right now, I don't really have a food regimen, I try to cut out all red meat, with the exception of hamburger meat once in a blue moon, but we eat mostly chicken. I used to take Alli, but stopped after seeing no results and got tired of having an upset stomach and having that orange crap coming out of me all the time. My fianancial situation hasn't been good (i'm on SSI disability and haven't worked since 2007, and while still on SSI, I just got a parttime job that I start Monday. My best friend and her fiance have memberships aty Ballys, and i've been thinking that once I get oin my feet i'll join either Bally's or Curves. I've researched all of the gyms around me, including 24 hour fitness and fitness connection, and those are the oners i've chosen. They're decent gyms, not too expensive, offer whaty i'm looking for, and they're close to home.

So since i'm a person that really doesn't have a plan, what do you ladies suggest???

I hope everything goes well with your weight loss and everything.... but your fiance sounds like a dick.

Is there a particular reason why your fiance has issued this ultimatum? Because I'd like to give him a fair shot before I mentally crucify him.

I use weight watchers and work out 5 times a week.

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I really want to know his reasoning, because the way you have it stated makes him sound like a complete asshole. And frankly, if he doesn't have good a good reason(s) to give an ultimatum like that he is an asshole.

If you want to lose weight, do, and do it at a pace that is reasonable for you. Because if he thinks you're gonna go all Biggest Loser on him, yeah, it very rarely works like that.

At least you've come to the right place for support!

I don't want to bash your fiancé because I obviously don't have all the information about your relationship, but I really hope that now he’s issued this ultimatum, he’s going to be supportive and helpful like he should be.

I have to ask: are you happy with your weight? Do you want to lose for you or because you don't want to lose the money you've spent on wedding things? Because I can tell you, from experience, that nobody can lose your weight for you or make you stay motivated or proud of yourself. Friends and family (and communities like this one!) can help, but at the end of the day it's about you. Not anybody else.

I’m kinda broke, so no gyms for me. I walk and dance (I suck at it, but I love music and moving my body) and use my sister’s copy of Zumba. I just got on track again after a looong time doing nothing. My goal for right now is just to exercise for 30 minutes a day. People rave about sparkpeople.com You can get menu and exercise ideas. Good luck. Hope you stick with the community.

I'd be really curious to hear when your wedding date is exactly. Unless it's a year or more off, losing 70-80 pounds is not realistic. And even in a full year, that's a pretty amibitious goal. Generally speaking, you shouldn't lose more than 1-2 pounds per week. Anything beyond that is probably unhealthy since it's likely that you're losing water or muscle rather than fat.

As far as what you should be doing to lose weight, joining a gym would be a great start. You want to do a combination of weight training and cardio exercise. A lot of gyms will give you a couple free sessions with a personal trainer when you first join. It's worth taking advantage of that even if you can't afford to buy additional sessions, because they can teach you how to safely use the equipment and give you an idea of what kind of routine you should be doing.

If you are able to see a nutritionist, that would also be an excellent starting point. Just cutting out red meat is probably not going to do much. They will be able to teach you how to read nutrition labels correctly, show you what portion sizes are actually like, show you how to choose balanced meals, tell you how many calories you should be consuming in a day, etc.

Our date is set on our 6th anniversary:
August 14, 2010. It seems so close, yet so far away...

You might want to make a deal with your fiance that making progress by your wedding date is an acceptable compromise. The pressure to lose x pounds by y date never really helps in a diet.

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Is his ultimatium a concern or is about power/control? Also, is he going to be supportive of your weight loss? Do you really feel that you are ready for it? Its been my experience that ultamatiums do not work, rarely if ever. All they do is set a person up for failure. If you want to lose weight do it for yourself, not because your husband to be dictates it.

But as for things you can do, add fruit/veggies, start walking, take the stairs if possible instead of an elevator, eat more whole grain/whole wheat, drink a lot of water, have less sugary bad for you things. Also see a nutrionist it might help.

I'm NOT going to bash your fiance. Granted, giving you the ultimatum is a bit harsh, but I understand the situation entirely. My boyfriend made the same kind of deal with me. I'm not at a healthy weight (although I'm in the best shape I have been in quite a while). I don't look good naked. He wants to pin me up against the wall or pick me up and throw me onto the bed just as much as I want him to be able to. He wants to show me off to his friends and have them want me, too. He sees where I can progress to, and he's pushing me to push myself. I know he likes me for who I am, don't get me wrong - he fell for the personality before even seeing the physical. He does keep me motivated and accountable - I tell him everytime I set a new personal record - whether a faster mile, a longer distance, a shorter total time for a 2 or 3 mile jog, more reps, higher weight, weight loss, etc. And he tells me how proud he is to see me doing well. His "deadline" for me is for a reward - if I can get to a size 6 by New Year's Eve, we're going to have a night that's all about me. It works out well, because when I get there, it's also right around my birthday - so awesome birthday sex for the win!

Now for the diet part:
I've found that, when done correctly, tofu is really awesome. Portabella mushrooms also make a really nice heartily-textured meat substitute. You can get all of your proteins by combining vegetables (dark greens have a bunch of protein, and they help with iron, too). I'm trying the vegetarian route as much as possible (and eggs on their own give me NASTY indigestion anyway), opting for skim or 1% milk if necessary, whole grain breads, veggies, fruits, etc. Whole foods - organic, unprocessed, as much as possible. If I can't pronounce it, I don't want to eat it.

Exercise-wise, I go to the gym almost every day. I alternate upper and lower body strength training, and do cardio every single time. Either a two mile jog, an hour on the bike, or 4+ miles on the elliptical. Obviously, if you're not ready to push that hard, don't hurt yourself. Start slow - walk on the treadmill, bike at a low resistance, focus on toning first, increasing strength later. It took me a while before I was jogging my miles. I've been going to the gym for almost a year now, and FINALLY I can jog over 3/4 of a mile at 5.8 mph. I want to start adding in something like Zumba or belly dancing to tone my middle (the faster that goes, the faster I can get into a smaller size). The Y is now offering hula hooping classes, and as soon as school is over (I work as an after-school counselor there) I can start going to those. Swimming is a great low impact cardio workout, if you have access to a pool. Even water jogging is possible if you don't have room for laps.

You can do it if you put your mind to it and work hard. Tell your fiance that, if he expects you to be able to do this, he needs to be supportive and not bring junk food to the house, not always go out for bad food, etc. If he tries to sabotage you, then I'd call him out on the ultimatum, but if he's really supportive, you'll make it work.

And what happens if you gain weight again? Most people who lose weight have incredible trouble maintaining it. You could get sick and go on medication that causes weight gain, or be physically unable to exercise because of a health problem. You could get pregnant and have a hard time losing the baby weight. A million other "what ifs" exist where you could gain weight again and be unable to lose it, or at least unable to lose it right away. How can you honestly think it's ok for someone to condition their love and support on how much their partner weighs?

Ur fiance is totally an asshole IMO for saying that to you, esp after things have been purchased...is he concerned about your health or is this just for aesthetic pleasure?? Either way, calling the wedding date off makes him sound like he's embarrassed by you. I hope that you are able to get healthier, and you have our support, but I second the above, get his support too.

I think it's mostly for his asthetic pleasure, he doesnt like big girls at all, hes the type thats attracted to skinny girls, so when we hooked up at the beginning, I was pushing it. I weighed 172-175...but I held my weight well.

I won't lie, the ultimatum doesn't sit well with me. I know everyone is different and responds to things differently so for you, this could be the motivation you need to finally lose weight. At the same time, there is no telling how your weight loss will go.

When I first started out, I set a goal of getting from 232lbs to 185lbs by mid August. At my current rate of lose, I'm not going to reach my goal until Halloween. I've learned to accept this because this is just how my body works. You may not know how your body will lose weight until you get a few months into your diet.

When is your wedding date and how much would you have to lose a week to get there? Some people lose it quickly, some people lose it slowly and some people go weeks of both loss and stagnation. I'm worried that your going to set this goal, not hit your targets and cause yourself an undue amount of stress that just ends up sabotaging the whole process. Are you willing to sit down with your fiance and explain to him at some point in the future that you may lose weight, but you might not reach your goal?

I agree with you, the uiltimatum pisses me off, and he says hes given me plenty of time to already be working on it, when I brought up your points of how fast each individual loses weight. He's still holding me to this ultimatum and says I can "make of it what I will". and that was the end of the conversation. I'm not sure how fast I lose weight, i've never tried very hard to be honest, and I never weigh myself. In fact, I stay as far away from a scale as I can.

Im quite shocked by the fact that a gut who loves you wants to marry you is giving you this ultimatum. I also think losing 100lbs in a year to be quite alot.
I got married in 2007 and i gave myself a weight loss target, the wedding stress and the stress i put myself under actually made me gain weigh.
If you want to lose the weight do it for you. I wouldn't set your self the goal of 100lbs byu next august because if you dont you will see your swelf of failed, what if you had lost 62lbs (that would be an lb a week until then) i would see that as a huge achievement and i would hate you to beat yourself up over that.

Good luck with your weight loss, but do it healthy and dont put to much pressure on your self :) xxx

I am not saying this to be mean or try to upset you at all!!
First off, if YOU are not ready to lose weight and fight this battle it will not work. This has to be something you are ready to do for yourself not for anyone else.
That sounds like one of the most shittiest things a finance could say. I know if my husband sad something like that to me I would be devastated and it would make me have doubts about the relationship. I don't know you or what your relationship is like but from just hearing that you got a "ultimatum" you might want to rethink this engagement. What happens if you lose the weight and in 5 years put it back on again? Will he divorce you?
If this is what you want have you looked into Weight Watchers? Its really helping me allot. This is a awesome community with so many helpful people so you definitely came to the right place for support :)

I agree. You could lose about 200 pounds really easily!!!

Forget weight. What happens if you (gawd forbid) burn your face off or lose a limb or get cancer and develop sores and lose hair and go grey and sick looking? Will that disturb Mr. Preshus's aesthetic pleasure, then? What a turkey. Babe, you can and NEED to do better. What happens if you two have a kid who grows up fat? Will he love them less? Ditch him, lose weight because YOU want to, or don't lose it at all! My husband has done a lot of seriously asswipish things, a couple of which other people would've split over, but if he EVER spoke like that to me, he'd be sleeping in his car and we'd be splitting the house proceeds within the week. I was at my near heaviest in life when we married and he was STILL starry-eyed over how pretty I looked, that day. And he's a good looking toned boy! lol You can do better chica. For yourself.

I didn't mean to have everyone so angered over this post. My fiance sounds like a shallow, uncaring jackass, and he can be, but that's really not him. He has trouble putting things in a more soft manner, and he's very blunt. It hurts sometimes, but sometimes it's what I need to hear, even though it pisses me off and makes me wanna pack my stuff and go. He's not as hard and you guys make him out to be. He knows when he's wrong and apologizes when it's necessary. I'm surprised he has put up with my crap as much as he has. I'm no angel either, I have TONS of faults, and have put him through more than his share of hell.

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